he can feel him too!

last night was fantastic! i was laying in bed being kicked about by the little man growing inside me and jim finally felt it too!

the baby has been moving for ages, he really beats me up and i have been waiting for weeks for jim to feel him too. i am so pleased and excited!

we only have 17 weeks left until we meet the little fella and i cant wait!

hair cuts!

took jorja for her first hair cut today and she absolutely loved it! i cant believe how grown up she is! sitting up in the high chair talking to the lady. so sweet. she looks so grown up. its one of those things where i think its a big deal but other people will be like enough with the hair already! its another first of jorja's and i am so proud to be her mummy.

emotional feelings

wow, its been a really emotional day for me today. i keep crying for no real reason. pregnancy hormones are really kicking in. i go from happy and smiley to sad and crying in minutes. i go from feeling relaxed to feeling like a prize idiot. it is so weird and the worse thing is because of who i usually am its 10 times worse. i hate the thought of offending people or upsetting them i always have done and i worry what i say to people. then add pregnancy into the equation and I'm panicking that i have offended people when i know deep down i haven't but my mind keeps playing tricks on me. its really hard. i am the sort of person who wakes up in the middle of the night and worries about something that i said to someone even though i know its fine. arrh! I'm sure tomorrow i will be fine and not so emotional but right now i cant see it! I'm not even sure that this makes sense to anyone who reads it. but i guess it doesn't matter. in some weird way i feel a bit better just for writing. even if it doesn't make sense! i know what I'm trying to say.

good times are here again

we saw our son again today for the last time until he is born. it was amazing we were all there and jorja knew we were going to see him so she was excited too.

when we first got pregnant jorja still seemed so young but when you look at her now its like she has doubled in years. she is so clever and pretty. a right chatter box too!

had a tough weekend with jims dad. it has got to the stage where we can no longer see him. it has been a long and difficult journey that will continue.

for now though we are focusing on us and the happiness we share. its about time we were able to do that. so many circumstances have stopped us from doing that.

so here is to you little boy, cant wait to meet you and nor can your sister.

baby boy!

yesterday was a really great day. i took my mum and mummy di to our 20 week scan. how amazing to see the little person moving and growing inside. so exciting. the anticipation of finding out what we were having was incredible and when she said "looks like a boy to me!" i couldnt quite believe it! i mean obviously they dont say 100% but a boy has boy bits! one of each, fantastic.

me and di and jorja went shopping after and di brought loads of blue, its so nice to say my son and my daughter. very exciting.

hard times

well, since my last blog i am really having to put my words into action. so much has happened in such a short space of time. again.

things are at an all time low with jims dad, too painful to go into but as from now we will no longer be spending time with him. he has chosen his path and we have to chose was is best for us and jorja.

i also had a so called friend send me a very hurtful message on face book saying that i am self centered and insensitive to her needs. it is all very painful but basically boils down to the fact that she wants a little girl but cant have one. of course i have jorja but i am also pregnant. she is in a lot of pain and unfortunately i am an easy target.

despite all this i have never felt closer to jim and our love grows with each day. being jorjas mum is a privilege and i am overwhelmed with love for her.

the three of us, soon to be four have gone through all these 'messy' situations and yet here we are close and in love.

whatever life throws at us i know we are going to be fine. we have each other.

plus, tomorrow i am going for my 20 week scan and hopefully finding out the sex of our bundle of joy. very exciting!

new beginnings

so much has happened and keeps happening that i feel overwhelmed by it all. there are good things and bad things.

its funny how so many things can happen in such a short space of time. the last three years have felt like such a roller coaster and some days i want to get off and other days i would happily stay on the ride forever.

when i look around i see hurt all around. people who are ill, desperate to find 'mr right', financial worries and so on.

it would be very easy for me to say that everything is hunky dory and couldnt be better.

jim and i have had a difficult time with such a lot of things going on with our families. things that would tear people apart but actually we are stronger than ever.

i always here people say" if there is a god then why is this happening?"

it is a question with many answers but for me i believe and always will, that when things get tough it is easy to blame someone else for how you react or deal with the situation.

when i lost my nan i felt such pain, i miss her i wanted her to meet jorja and to just enjoy spending more time with her.

my nan was a very brave lady and battled with cancer for many years. she had had enough and if i had to choose between spending more time with her for my own selfish reasons or letting her go and be in peace i know i can take great comfort in knowing that she is now pain free and happy. what more could i possibly want for her now.

life can always be bitter sweet, just when everything is going 'to plan' a spanner get's thrown into the works.

it is very easy to dwell on the hard and painful things that happen and forget about all the amazing things that are and keep happening.

i have had my fair share of misery but i have enjoyed many fantastic and exciting things too.

so this is a tribute to my nan, i still love her dearly and miss seeing her face but now is the time to remember all the amazing and fun times we have shared. she has had a lot of impact on my life and i want to live it to the full.

i know it is easy to write about good times when things are going well but it is important that we write about the good things when it gets tough.

it is true that every cloud has a silver lining and i am finding mine .............